God, What the fuck? I don’t even know who am I writing this to. I am so drunk right now that all of my sins started to hit me one by one. And may be that’s why my life is becoming a twin of hell.
They said “be you”, they sold me all of those fucking lies about masks and vulnerabilities, and how you attract people based on your soul. BULLSHIT. There was this girl, she gave me real reasons to live and fight for my useless existence. She didn’t fuck with my insecurities, and so I threw away my mask and surrendered my soul to her. Texts become calls and calls became meetups.
You fucking don’t know how magic feels until you went completely vulnerable to some one and they accept you for what you are and you don’t need to force yourself for them to give you attention. It’s never the same for everyone, the ugly truth is I gave up my defenses too quick compared to him and so she filtered out me out of her existence. It’s funny how the person who made you laugh the most is making you wonder why your heart is still beating.
And yet, here we go. It’s always mocks and laughs when a weirdo haves a heartbreak. Even he himself will laugh it off with you. Because that’s how much depth he allows to share with you and for that you have to be embarrassed. Surface level secrets and made up lies to make you laugh made this garbage neighborhood judgemental and no one wants to help anyone. Even on the face of crisis or injustice, all they care about is how they can make this event to feed themselves with attention and how they can raise their social value. This is what mask is, darling. But have you ever sat beside a son who lost his mother and gave him your shoulders to cry on? That’s what vulnerability is. And trust me no guys with masks have courage to do that.
You could die tonight and all you care about is other people’s perspective on you. For what? So you can fuck them one day? Even sex has no meaning if there is no real emotional depth. This was my whole principle and how retard am I to think this wasn’t worth it because of how a girl can’t appreciate you. And is it worth all those years of being called ” a weirdo, a joker , a class comedian”? Abso-fucking-lutely yes. Real love comes with a price. And people with a facade can never pay what it takes. Some days you will wonder why can’t you relate with anything. No songs, no movies, no books and more importantly not a single soul, Is this what authenticity means? Or am I being a freak again?
I don’t know. But it doesn’t feel incomplete and there is no one to compete to. It feels like dancing in a pitch dark and no fucks to give because no one see you and if they can see, they will join your dance too with the same vibe you glow.
And there is no reason to end this aesthetic existence or throw away this dance for some girl who can’t appreciate you. Can’t you see it?.
Fables of the Intoxicated 